Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Monday, April 8, 2013

That last post was not nice and I want to clarify that I'm not making fun of her.  If you want to show off your rose garden, go for it!  The funny part is just that I so desperately want to have no contact with my ex-husband but it got to the point where I wondered if NOT avoiding him and NOT ignoring his attempts at "friendship" would be get me closer to closure.  I'm trying out not being unfriendly (which is different from friendly). 

And then I get invited to his girlfriend's vajayjay's birthday party.

What is an appropriate gift?

.....

There is no way for him not to annoy me.  There's too much history and too much hurt.

.....

So today I laughed at myself and at this absurd situation and at how much of a prude I am sometimes and it was all okay.

Then I was in a rush to have dinner with friends and quickly showered at the gym after squeezing in a workout, reapplied make-up and struggled to look presentable with flaky skin from acne medication AND new breakouts and suddenly it all felt like my fault again - I was never fun and confident enough to do a panty-free photo shoot so my marriage ended.  It often feels like I was left because I wasn't adventurous enough.  Even though he creeps me out now and I do not, do not, do not! want any sort of relationship with him, I still feel like tossed out garbage.

I'm working on it.

6 comments:

reba alice said...

hey anna...

i commend what you're attempting to do--i think obtaining that much-desired closure is different for each of us.

for me it helps the less i have seen or interacted with my ex...i have a bad memory, so the less i saw him, the less i thought about any of our past together. (i know my situation is very different.)

my opinion about the girlfriend sending a picture of her lady parts as a party invitation is that it completely lacks class. maybe that makes me no fun, but there is a difference between being sexually adventurous and being purposefully exhibitionist. just my opinion!

if you do want to get her a gift, try something from adam and eve! or a pair of granny panties to cover it up. LOL :)

Sara said...

You are awesome. They are insane.

Vicky said...

I'm having a hard time understanding why you would want to have contact with these people. Just sayin'....

Jenn said...

Um, I must be a prude, too, as I think that's just completely ridiculous as an invitation and then, to invite you, his ex-wife, with such an invitation? I mean, what are these people thinking?

Dear, I think you are the normal one here.

Alexicographer said...

Um, for the record, I'd be OK with your making fun of her. I mean, really.

No words of wisdom, hope you can find an appropriate gift if YOU don't decide to move across the country to get away from this nuttiness. Wait, I know, a vase! (Country girl visits city cousin, they spend the day shopping and come out of the last department store laden with bags when the city girl sees her boyfriend across the street in a florist's shop buying a bouquet of flowers. She says, "Oh, shit! Now I'm going to have to spend all night with my legs in the air!" Country cousin looks at her strangely and says, "Well, why, honey? Haven't you got a vase you could stick 'em in?")

Sophie said...

He's a stupid little man child... and you are awesome. Case closed. Move on. YOU don't need him. You allowing him into your life gives him a sense of closure not the other way around. You don't owe him that. He didn't earn it. (just my two cents)