Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Friday, May 24, 2013

I remember the afterglow that you get the day after a night of romance - you know, a little spring to your step!  We didn't get home until after 11pm last night and then SB had some things to do before bed but cervical mucus said it was time so we did something just a step above going through the motions.


Advice is welcome.  I know this is just one late night encounter with two tired people but it felt forced (because it was...) and it turns out I feel something opposite of contented and loved after such encounters.


And I don't even have hope that the baby dance will be fruitful, which kind of makes it even more pathetic.  It feels like I just made us stay up too late to do something that neither one of us were that into at that moment, for no reason.  Anyway, SB is a terrific sport and is always ready to help out, even when I can tell that he really would prefer to go to sleep.  And it's not a bad problem to have - "oh dear, we must have sex right away!" and I'm so lucky to have a partner, let alone one who is kind and recognizes when something is important to me.

This also means that near the end of the two week wait I'll start getting excited AGAIN and feeling certain that I'm experiencing pregnancy symptoms instead of boring old PMS, only to be disappointed AGAIN.


I am starting to get visions of wigs and fedoras and "chance" meetings at mysterious bars that end with anonymous sex with a "stranger".  I hope SB is up for some role playing to get us through infertility!


reba alice said...

Hey Anna, I have very much been there when my ex and I were trying to conceive. It may sound silly but I think spicing things up would really have helped us out. After years of forcing it, we totally lost the romance and fun side of it all.

I have more to tell you but it's even more personal (well, it's current) so I will email you.

Sara said...

Hahaha. Been there. Those late nights are the worst.