My local SHARE group is having it's annual candle lighting and tree decorating ceremony. Each of us brings an ornament to decorate a tree that is then donated to a local hospital in remembrance of our babies. It's a really nice night.
So this morning when the snuggle bunny says that he wants me to come back after work and stay another night at his place, I tell him that I need to find an ornament for the meeting. He said that he would help me find one and this evening we went ornament shopping. I had a few ideas of what I was looking for, one of which was a cute ornament that a little boy would be attracted to. Surrounded by ornaments, SB suggests that we find something that Toren would like. HE SAID HIS NAME! SB remembered and used the name of my son! Wow.
My ex, Toren's father, never would have helped me find an ornament and he only said his name one time, that I can remember (when calling the hospital to get Toren's measurements when I was crying over not having found out how big he was).
Anyway, I selected a dinosaur ornament. And I bought two of them and explained to SB that last year I only bought one ornament and once it came down to placing it on the tree I couldn't do it! I need one to share and one to hoard for my son's memory box.
It's so sweet and so complex. I am so lucky to be spending time with such an awesome and thoughtful guy. But why couldn't my husband show some concern for how much I loved our son? Why didn't he love us?
Someday those painful thoughts will not cross my mind and I will simply marvel at displays of kindness.
On another, bitter, note, I have some gossip that is so shameful that I can't tell anyone that I personally know. Anyone need a distraction and want to hear about the "adventures" of people you don't know?