Did you know that Elvis Presley had a twin who was stillborn or died at birth? The grave markers of both of Elvis' parents list them as the parents of Elvis and Jessie. I almost lost it; it was stunning to see that you can have freaking Elvis Presley as a child and still never, ever forget the child that died. We really are in it for the long haul, huh?
But it's also encouraging to see that it's ok, and normal, to remember the babies who so quickly fade out of the memories of others.
For a while you worry that you will forget, but that doesn't happen. Now, it's not so much that I worry that I'll never forget but I worry that some of these feelings will never end. I worry that I'll pretty much not give a shit about a lot of things ever again; things that used to be so important like credit scores, being successful and having lots of friends. I worry that it really was from something that I did and that I really don't deserve a living child. What if whatever the future brings is just a continuation of that sad story? I'm concerned that a big comeback into living fully is not going to happen.