Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Thursday, October 14, 2010

This just happened

her: "I'm not sure I can do X commitment next spring because I'm about 9 weeks pregnant."
me:  "Ok.  Congratulations!"
her:  "This semester has been kind of tough.  I don't understand the women who said they felt great being pregnant!  I guess they never felt sick or forgot about it."
me:  "Yeah, it's awful.  But you really should feel better in a few more weeks."

I didn't encourage further pregnancy/baby conversation and she didn't notice my comments of commiseration based on experience and that is kind of surprising but not really, at the same time.  One reason for not noticing that other women understand anything about pregnancy is that she probably wanted to throw up at that very moment.  Another reason is that women who are not currently pregnant or who do not have children are not really recognized as ever experiencing pregnancy.  Some kind of brain filter seems to flip on and the only acceptable idea is that childless women could never have been pregnant. 

No one likes to think about dead babies. 

It's not gut wrenching anymore.  Instead I just feel this pathetic resignation that other women get babies and Toren is still dead.

Maybe I'll get another chance.  I'm trying to get a raise to go along with some new duties (THAT is not easy!) so cross your fingers that a larger salary finds it's way to me so that I can afford a baby.


jill said...

A raise would be awesome! Hoping for you :)

Quiet Dreams said...

Ugh. It must be like being invisible.

I hope you get that raise.

Sophie said...

Sending positive vibes that you get that raise.


Lisette said...

Sending you lots of positive vibes, ((HUGS)).

Ya Chun said...

People are just so wrapped up in their own here and now - sorry :(

And good luck getting that raise!!!! But you can afford a baby without it ;)

Kristin said...

That must have been rough. I hope everything falls in line so you can pursue having another baby.

Sara said...

Good luck on the raise! And I'm here feeling like a pathetic invisible person who is yearning for a baby, too, so at least you're not alone. :)

Jenn said...

Fingers crossed! Hoping it comes through for you soon.

Kakunaa said...

Fingers are crossed, lovely lady.