her: "I'm not sure I can do X commitment next spring because I'm about 9 weeks pregnant."
me: "Ok. Congratulations!"
her: "This semester has been kind of tough. I don't understand the women who said they felt great being pregnant! I guess they never felt sick or forgot about it."
me: "Yeah, it's awful. But you really should feel better in a few more weeks."
I didn't encourage further pregnancy/baby conversation and she didn't notice my comments of commiseration based on experience and that is kind of surprising but not really, at the same time. One reason for not noticing that other women understand anything about pregnancy is that she probably wanted to throw up at that very moment. Another reason is that women who are not currently pregnant or who do not have children are not really recognized as ever experiencing pregnancy. Some kind of brain filter seems to flip on and the only acceptable idea is that childless women could never have been pregnant.
No one likes to think about dead babies.
It's not gut wrenching anymore. Instead I just feel this pathetic resignation that other women get babies and Toren is still dead.
Maybe I'll get another chance. I'm trying to get a raise to go along with some new duties (THAT is not easy!) so cross your fingers that a larger salary finds it's way to me so that I can afford a baby.