I'm divorced. The official letter arrived last Friday. Because the ex has moved since we filed and his letter would have been sent to his old address, I sent him an email letting him know that it was all over and asking if he would like me to send him a scan of the letter (because there is something wrong with me and I can't stop accommodating him). He ended his 3 sentence reply by asking how I was feeling, and figuring out a response to that question has really had me confused.
What did he mean by asking me that? How am I feeling emotionally about our divorce, or was I sick last time we corresponded and he's asking about my health? His was a simple question gently laid on top of a tumultuous history.
On one hand it felt nice that he may care, while on the other, how I'm feeling is none of his business. Should I ignore it? Should I respond with truth or fluff? Which truth should I respond with - the one of annoyance and hurt about there being so little closure to this breakup that he instigated, or the truth of how relieved I am that he stopped being such an asshole about the settlement so that we could divorce? What about the truth of how I once loved him dearly and devotedly?
No closure. He decided that our marriage would end, but other than expressing a need to be happier, he didn't give other reasons and he gave me no say in it. If he's asking how I am feeling maybe he's really not such a jerk anymore; maybe he is turning back into the person I thought he was. Maybe his rotten behavior of the past several years was temporary while he worked through the death of our son. What if he truly cares how I am feeling about our divorce and it turns out that I just became divorced from a guy who is great again, the guy who I met at age 16, the guy who was my best friend and then husband for half of my life?
But then the brain gears started really turning . . .
It's a long shot but what if my ex really has turned into the person I vowed to spend my life with, what would that really mean?
It's too late for who he is, or has the potential to be, to mean anything to me. I am so happy with my boyfriend and we are making plans for our future together. I have a great thing going with him and that really can't be said enough. My ex-husband can be fantastic or foul but whoever he truly is requires no decision making on my end. I don't need to discover if he is now great or not because that does not have any bearing on the choice I am making to wholeheartedly and open-heartedly be with my awesome SnuggleBunny!
What I have now is wonderful! And that, my friends, is closure.