Dormant. Drenched from rain. Frozen.
Jizo is getting dirty! The pristine white was so lovely but I knew it would be impossible to maintain with the red clay of Georgia. The statue will be lovely when aged by the elements too.
Here's some cute fungus on a stump!My New Years adventure was wonderful and healing. I'll give details later (unless my lazy blogging habits continue) but here's me January 1, 2009.
Dormant. Frozen. Standing strong against the elements.I hate being unloved.
I hate marital separation. I bet divorce won't be great either.
I hate not having any guarantees that the future will be beautiful.
I hate that all of this emptiness began with the decision to add to our family and share our love and lives with our own baby.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for asking for too much, but so many other people have husbands and babies, why couldn't I have that too? How is it possible that the desire to add love resulted in so much love lost?
Miss you Dear One.
7 comments:
January. bleh.
Glad your back and hope your trip to the shore helped.
Love seeing Toren's name in the sand.
None of us have any guarantees that the future will be beautiful. Though for some the illusion of it brings comfort.
Glad to see you back, too. I have been thinking of you.
I love your socks. Your clothes are so dark and heavy and then your bright stripey socks just leap out at me. Gorgeous and defiant I think.
How's that puppy of yours?
"Standing strong against the elements". That you are in spades.
I love Toren's name in the sand.
So glad to see you're ok. Or at least still here. I was getting worried.
How's that puppy? Hope all is well with her.
Toren's name looks beautiful in the sand and I'm glad you got to do that.
"I hate that all of this emptiness began with the decision to add to our family and share our love and lives with our own baby."
I don't know how many times I've had this thought. It seems like an extra punishment heaped on top of something already terrible. I'm glad you're having a positive New Year. I'm trying my absolute best! :)
I just found your blog on babyloss directory. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I don't feel so alone to find others who are also dealing with the loss of children.
peace- emily
i just found your blog too...my heart is with you. thanks for sharing your photos and your words. i too lost a son who never took his first breath.
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