Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Monday, September 28, 2009

Without

Day one without alcohol completed.

Again. How many day ones will there be?

And of course this decision is from another dose of reality where the statement "my drinking is out of control" flashed above me in neon.

Moving into day two, refreshed after a peaceful slumber curled up with a snugglebug who wants to support me in sobriety and who made us milkshakes last night that we enjoyed while sitting on his balcony. Just chatting without getting drunk.

Moving forward without my son - without the family that I wanted. One step then another without numbing. Moving without some people who were once so vital.

Moving with people who want what's good for me overall, and not just what will make me happier RIGHT NOW.

..............

Moving in a positive direction is surprisingly so scary. I resist and resist, over and over, clinging to what is long gone, some of which I no longer even want. But today is day two - another chance to try again.

"It's not enough to stay here almost trying"

12 comments:

angie said...

It is surprisingly hard to leave behind that which has previously worked well at making us feel better. I had this same revelation at some point in the last nine months, and gave it up, and then missed it, and then justified it, and then...you know, you can do this thing, if this thing is what you want to do. We all here with you. Listening, nodding, supporting, sending our love.

Sara said...

Good luck, Anna! I know you can do it.

Meg said...

Good for you! What a way to honor your son.....with a good life.

Catherine W said...

Milkshakes are delicious but not quite the same (wry smile).
Glad you are feeling positive, it is scary isn't it? Love xo

Sophie said...

Sending you strength Anna. Take it one milkshake at a time.

I'm loving this fellow of yours. What a wonderful man.

You don't have to leave Toren behind Anna, you just need to find another way to take him with you as you walk forward.

xoxoxo

bir said...

Been there... you can do it Anna! I can count the number of alcoholic drinks I've had since I decided I was heading down that path 1st December last year. Two months after my son died.
You're not leaving Toren behind at all Anna. I don't think that's actually even possible.
Love to you, girl, and stepping it out with you :)

xxx

Zil said...

You may inspire me to leave the booze behind. That is truly a big accomplishment and congrats on taking that step (I'm sure the snugglebunny helps :)

Bree said...

So good to hear from you. Good to hear you're still with your boy. :)

debbie said...

I know you will keep being brave. Of course it's scary, but you'll be rewarded for your leap of faith.

I'm rooting for you.
xoxo!

Ya Chun said...

Mmmm, milkshake...

Here, sending hugs... you can do it - you can do what you want to do!

samantha said...

Wow, i was just lurking around blogs and saw your post. I am currently on day 9 without a drop. it was getting out of control. I had to take control

angelseashore said...

one day at a time.. sometimes one moment at a time.. that's all we can do, right? You're a strong woman and I know that you can do it. Drink an extra milkshake for me.

You're in my thoughts..