Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You know, one of the biggest roadblocks I have to getting an official divorce is that I don't know what to do about my last name. My degrees have my married last name and I'm really proud of earning those...

Fuck, along with the huge issues of divorce, like heartache, there are so many emotionally charged little things that require decisions.

And you want to hear a confession? I think part of the reason why bill paying has not been a priority is because I wanted his credit to be ruined and I didn't care about mine. Now I am caring about mine more. It's shameful, but I want to hurt him.

This time two years ago I was madly in love! Now, love is not a predominant emotion for me (it is getting better though!).

After everything that has happened in the last 2 years I don't know what my name is. Any suggestions?

10 comments:

Sara said...

Which way is your gut pulling you on the name thing? Changing it won't mean you didn't really earn those degrees. People change their names for all sorts of reasons all the time. If going back to your maiden name will give you some sort of closure or mental freedom, go for it! On the other hand, my mom got divorced 25 years ago and never changed her name. Think on it and go with what feels right...

Rebekah said...

My degrees have my maiden name and in the end it doesn't matter. I'm with Sara- go with your gut on the name thing. Being attached to his last name doesn't mean you're attached to him.

Bree said...

Yeah- go with your gut. I know many people who've kept their married name after a divorce, too. Or you could hyphenate when necessary.

BluebirdSinging said...

I just recently changed my last name (after 12 years). I was a hyphen person so both my maiden name and married name are on my degrees.

After Maya died, I wanted to have her last name so I decided to drop the maiden part.

Just do what feels right - it will come to you.

Ya Chun said...

There is just so much fallout, eh? Sucks ass

If you want to change your name back, go for it. People will still find you and your degrees (who actually looks at your diploma??) But do what you want to do!

Sophie said...

You could hyphenate? Keep a bit of both till you're ready to let one or the other go?...(or add another name...)

Thinking of you and really keen on hearing about the "it is getting better though!" bit... hint hint...

Cara said...

You are starting again, making a new 'name' for yourself. A new experience really.

However you can comfortablly introduce yourself, or - for that matter, hear yourself referred to, is what I would do.

CLC said...

Do you have to change it just because of the divorce? I know a few people who never went back to their maiden names. No advice though. Whatever you choose will be the right thing.

angelseashore said...

you can look at it one of two ways: you can keep your married name on your diplomas and acknowledge your ex as having been part of your journey (both happy and sad) or change your name and start a new journey with a fresh slate. Whatever you choose, you will always be you - an amazing woman.

myskytimes said...

Welcome to the of soon-to-be-divorced club... I want to get back my maiden name as soon as possible (as in: seems lightyears from now). Even though that means giving up Sky's last name too. But: he will always be my son - no matter what surname we both carry.

Same goes for your diplomas: There's still the same smart girl behind. It's inside you and no name change can take that away from you.

Keep your head up...