Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Walking along the sidewalk was an older gentleman who looked normal - you know, clean clothes, appropriately groomed, serene expression - but every few steps he would wave his hands and loudly speak to no one. Over the traffic I only heard one word clearly:


If I didn't have a meeting to get to I would have seriously considered indulging my wish to park the little car and join him. We would be two regular, healthy appearing people vocalizing the random thoughts on our minds.

Perhaps he would be pissed that I joined him and then we could scream at each other. I imagine it would follow a pattern similar to sex with us ranting about merely annoying things before getting to the nitty gritty issues and once those were yelled out we'd smoke a cigarette, shake hands, and go our separate ways.

My random silent thoughts for today:

*I thought with frustration "Where's my bracelet?" while looking for the bracelet Zil made - the bracelet with Toren's name spelled out - that was immediately followed by "Where's my baby?". Even though I know that I don't have to worry about him, after all this time I still wish I had to.

* It's embarrassing to drive the little car. With only room for two people it's obvious to everyone that I have no family.

Want to share the random thoughts you are keeping silent?


debbie said...

In court all morning, so no time to peruse my random thought file, but I cracked up when I read the first part of your blog. How funny would that be if you had joined him.

I don't think that's true about the car. For all people know, you have two cars. :)

I'm sorry about your thoughts about Toren today, I don't imagine those kinds of thoughts will ever stop completely. I think you'd rather have it that way, though right? Otherwise you'd realize one day how long it had been since you thought of him, and that would be sad too.

Zil said...

I may be kicked out of blog-land if I shared my thoughts. I often wonder what will happen as I age and the already questionable filter between my mouth and my brain completely disintegrates. Oy. They'll have to muzzle me.

As for the bracelet, it can always be replaced. I so wish that Toren could be too.


Reba said...

my random thought got too long so it's now its own post.

angie said...

Motherfucker pretty much sums it up.

Anonymous said...

I'm shouting it with you and the old man: MOTHERFUCKER!!! Universe - you motherfucker! You left me without my daughter..


Carly said...

Motherfucker. Yes that pretty much explains how I feel. :)
I'll be blogging my silent and very random thoughts next.


-clevergirl said...

Hi, I just found your blog and as I was reading your past posts I read that you had a UTI early on in your pregnancy and you were wondering if that caused your baby's Potter's. I also had an early UTI and took Macrobid to get rid of it (it was very severe) and I have always wondered if that caused the Potter's as well. My daughter was diagnosed with bilateral renal agenesis later on. (they found it after she was born, the doctors had no clue what Potter's was until me) I tried to email you but my computer is not working great so I couldn't pull up your email. Here's my email if you would like to talk.


My name is Kara, it's so nice to meet another Potter's mother, but it's so heartbreaking at the same time.

KuKd Chick said...

Cool idea. Here are a few of my random thoughts from today:

1) Stop talking about your military service in Saudi Arabia, and finish cutting my hair so I can get home and make a grilled cheese sandwich. I'm starving.

2) Why do all my mommy friends move out to the suburbs? I miss them. If I ever have kids, fuck them all - we're going to be urbanites, and that's it.

3) Snickerdoodles. Mom's snickerdoodles. Me want snickerdoodles.

4) Today's bowel movment was okay but not great. I give it a 6 out of 10 on the scale of bathroom wonderfulness.

5) Why does my dog have gas this early in the morning?