Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Friday, August 13, 2010

Trying to kick ass

My rewriting the story post is mentioned in Mel's Blog Roundup.  How embarrassing that since then it's all just been ranting and TMI - too bad I can't say that the rants and mood swings are not the norm!


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Thoughts on personal training, aka, the longest 30 minutes of my life each and every time:
Over a year ago I signed up for training so I could work with a boxing coach because I was so angry that I needed to hit something.  Then my coach left the gym.  Then, a year later, I was feeling fat and blobby so renewed my contract but instead of once per month I purchased one session per week.  I had a lot saved up though so I can go to two session per week for several months.  I hate it.  I hate weight training with a trainer.

While getting ripped is supposedly the goal of training, the larger point of working with a trainer seems to be overcoming mental barriers.  So they say to do so many reps for so many sets, but depending on how happy you look they will add weight for subsequent sets or add "just one more" as soon as you think you are done.  If you can't lift the weight on your own towards the end the trainer will assist you so that you complete each and every rep of each and every set, thus realizing you can go beyond what your brain says you can.

That part of it is good for me - it is cool finish a goal that you thought was impossible.  The problem is I get hurt frequently.  I don't want to let down my trainer or complain so I end up with strained muscles.  But again, is that just me saying "I can't physically do this", when actually I can?  The strains heal after a few days.

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What do you think about being pushed beyond what you think you can do?  Is it important?  Is it important for recovering from huge life failures, such as pregnancy loss, divorce, infertility, job loss, or an infinite number of events that can make you lose trust in yourself?

6 comments:

cgd said...

Yikes, something sound off here. I am big exerciser and love to push myself (i ran a half marathon last year). However, constanstly hurting yourself seems wrong to me. I wonder if you and your trainer and in synch, does he notice when you are straining too hard? Unless you are a professional athlete who is paid to push that hard, I say scale back to something more moderate, still challenging but not actually that painful. I do beleive that pushing yourself makes you feel better and more confident. For me, the half marathon came after 2.5 yrs of IF. I needed to have something that my body was capable of doing, as so much of the time was spent focusing on what my body couldn't/wouldn't do (make a baby).
wishing you continued success in your training and perhaps a little TLC for your sore body.

Jenn said...

I don't have an answer to the rest of your questions, but this one:

What do you think about being pushed beyond what you think you can do?

Makes me think of all the people that have told me I'm so strong since Micah died. That they couldn't go through what I'm going through.

So maybe we've already been pushed beyond what we think we can do. Just maybe not in a physical sense, as in working out or running or what have you, but in a survival sense. As in, awful things have happened and yet here I am. Still standing. Still living.

AnnaMarie said...

Nice answer Jenn!

I've already been pushed beyond what I thought I could handle and I'm pretty pissed about it all still. Maybe that contributes to the resistance to any pain and further testing of even physical limits.

What do you think about the comment that you are so strong to survive your baby's death? Is it a compliment?

Kristin said...

I agree with Jenn. I think you've already been pushed beyond what you thought you could survive. All a gym trainer does is push you physically. For some people, that can make you feel more confident in yourself. But, honestly, I think your retelling story shows that you are making the steps necessary to feel better about yourself and to trust in yourself.

myskytimes said...

I second Jenn, too. I catch myself thinking "I survived a dead-baby, I will most certainly survive [this and this] as well." Maybe it's a "If I make it here (babyloss-land) I can make it anywhere" kind of thing. Even though my skin is as thin as can be... I am still going.

Since Sky I am doing less good with others pushing me hard. On myself I have less mercy than before but as soon as someone dares to push me... I get cranky. I need the time I need for proper survival. Hope this makes sense...

I'd love to get into asskicking something, self-defense... whatever. Kudos for doing this... but be easy on yourself, ok?

Jenn said...

Most of the time that comment inspires a bit of anger - like seriously, do they think I was chosen for this path because I'm so strong? And exactly what would they do in the same situation? Wither and die?

But, I know they're trying to tell me that I'm handling things well, etc. and I keep my bitter thoughts to myself. :)