You definitely know those moments when everything changes.
How about those thoughts that are so innocuous by themselves but all of a sudden you know that they can't be un-thought and things have changed now? I keep saying how I want to leave behind this house of memories and that I'm jealous that my husband got out of here. But it wasn't until about an hour ago that I thought about moving to a specific location. You can want to leave all you like but if you don't have anywhere to go it's harder to make that happen. My mom is talking about moving to Utah soon. I rather like Salt Lake City. I could move.
And it would be just me (and the cats), I would not invite my boyfriend. It feels absolutely horrible to convert that thought into a form of communication. I wouldn't be able to say it out loud.
Things have really not turned out as expected. Living together was supposed to be beautiful but instead there's too much of me supporting him financially, him being possessive, and way too many promises for the future that never seem to make it out of idea form. I am pretty miserable after one year of it and I don't know how to get out of living with him. He knows exactly what to say to get me to give it all another chance. I do love him and care deeply for him but more and more feel like this relationship is not going in the intended direction.
At what point is it sensible to say that the things you are doing are simply not working? Maybe it's time to stop trying to bend things to be how I want them. Maybe it's time to let the backyard remain swing set free. Maybe it's time to stop willing this to be a family home. Maybe it's time to move back in with my mother.