It was just an estimate made early in pregnancy of when he (before he was known to be a boy!) was to be born, but it's all I have to be able to say that around this day he would have turned five. FIVE! In a parallel life, we would be preparing for starting kindergarten in the coming fall. I really enjoy kids around this age, when they are adorably expressive and still like to cuddle.
I went to work yesterday for the first time since March 28 became an anniversary. My mom is proud of me and thinks it's a sign of healing. I'm not so sure. What if I'm healed AND elect to not treat days that were (are?) about Toren as if they were just an ordinary day?
Every day is a day of silently missing Toren.
Having tried it, I don't think I will take the day off next year. With work,
there wasn't time to visit the cemetery yesterday (or today, or
tomorrow). There wasn't space to reflect.