Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Friday, October 10, 2008

Technical and way too personal

Reasons I was not looking forward to my annual gyno visit:

1. The obvious - spending time and money to change into paper clothing and be intimately examined

2. Getting weighed

3. Seeing happy pregnant women in the waiting room

4. Being asked about my reproductive history from staff members who are not familiar with my file

5. Being asked if I needed a prescription for hormonal birth control which I most definitely do not since I haven't been in a situation to prevent pregnancy since July 19. By the way this is NOT my way of saying hubby and I are trying to conceive, quite the opposite, we have not been intimate since JULY NINETEENTH. No wonder I'm tense all the time.

6. Being asked how I am doing since the deadbaby. I would want to honestly answer and not just say "fine" but I started feeling a little embarrassed to let this doctor know how little progress I have made towards getting pregnant again.

Right as I entered the office and stood in line to check in and was surrounded by pregnant bellies I thought "I need to change doctors". The receptionist asked me how the baby was doing and I said he died and she was really nice about not ignoring it and not expressing too much sympathy. But after seeing my doctor I remembered how much I like her and I don't want to see anyone else.

So the things that were as bad or worse than I anticipated were the plethora of pregnant women, and being weighed.

Some good things about the visit are I asked to have my ovarian reserve tested and after explaining that my cycles are kind of short (23-27 days) and my mother and her mother (my grandmother) both said they began menopause at 35 and I was worried I would do the same, so I wanted to know how long I could push back trying to conceive. I'll return to the office to have blood drawn on cycle day 3 and the results will tell if my pituitary gland is secreting high levels of FSH, which would indicate that it is taking more effort to get a follicle to mature, which is not good when you still want to reproduce someday. The test won't say how many follicles I have left, it only lets you know if something is up at that time, but it is a good place to start. If my FSH levels are low my doctor mentioned that I might want to have them tested every 6 or 12 months. I'm glad she is taking my concerns seriously and is willing to work with me on this to ease my mind. My doctor said if the results are above 10 she will suggest that I start trying to conceive right away, which is exactly the information I want to know.

My thyroid hormone levels are also going to be tested since I commented on how much weight I have gained. The problem is most likely that I've not been exercising and I'm drinking several bottles of wine a week but it is kind of her to address all of my concerns anyway.

All in all, I'm glad it's over and incredibly glad that I expressed my concerns and am taking a proactive approach to the possibility of premature ovarian failure.


Sara said...

Ugh, I hate my annual exam for many of the same reasons. I've found myself rolling my eyes whenever I see a pregnant person these days.

I hope your FSH test results are ok.

janis said...

((hugs)) Anna and I hope you get answers soon.

Ya Chun said...

There's a lot in that post.

Mostly at the OB's the kids running around bother me more than the preggos. They're not out of the woods yet...

I am a little concerned that you and your hubby are not spending "spousal" time together. Were you and he both checked for physical problems? Also emotional...it's healthy to be intimate- And I will tell you, I do cry sometimes afterwards- the release of emotions sometimes just goes beyond what my dh would like.... so, yes, it is hard on many levels, so I understand....

AnnaMarie said...

I'm concerned too, ya chun.

debbie said...

I do hope things get better in your marriage. Could you make a conscious effort to break the bed ice? Do you want to?

Kudos for going to the doc. I walked out of my first appt. before seeing the doctor and haven't been back yet.

CLC said...

Good luck with the tests. I am glad you have a good doctor who takes your concerns seriously.