Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Thought # 1 while driving from the meeting with the guy I'm divorcing.

"He's mine"

The ex is just now starting to deal with Toren's death - he even referred to the baby by his name repeatedly, "Toren". At the time the ex left he did not mention the baby, he didn't want to hear about it, and he certainly didn't say his name.

As requested, I gave him directions to the cemetery and the plot and the place where I keep Toren's things in the communal grave for the ashes of babies. And I told him that I still have the memory box and CD of photos that he can see if he wants to.

Now I'm uncomfortable with the ex visiting Toren's grave. The ex "abandoned" us, he ignored the memory of his son. I feel like he is just MY BABY by now. I don't want to share Toren with his father, even though Toren is only a soul, memory, and ashes.

Weird.

6 comments:

Bree said...

I think I'd feel the same way. Hang in there!

Meg said...

I would totally feel the same way. He IS yours. It was gracious of you to share what you have with him.

myskytimes said...

If that's weird, I am a total weirdo, too. ;)
I see it like you: If The Dads abandon us in our grief (and treat us like shit), they loose some of their parenting rights.

I don't want The Dad close to Sky's grave. I don't want him to grieve now (and get my compassion) if there was no understanding and compassion for my kind of grief.

I am very overprotective of my son's grave. I had to deal with so much all on my own, I don't want to share anything now - 2 years later. He needs to go through that on his own too.

Hope the divorce-talk went sorta OK besides that.
Sending a lot of girl-power your way. xoxo

Ya Chun said...

HM. someone is a day late (ok, more like two years) and a dollar short.

I'll stop before I start using foul language....

CLC said...

I think I would feel the same way too. In fact I know I would. I am sorry you have to share Toren with him.

Catherine W said...

I also don't think it's weird. He's too late. x