Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It's just a house

I think I'm the last person still at work on this floor.

Sometimes it's wonderful to be able to stay late to get more work done and I do enjoy being able to stay with the snuggle bunny as often as I want. Maybe I'm just too tired tonight, maybe it was last nights dream where I was pregnant with a son, but I am so sad not to have a reason to go home.

The baby died, the husband left, and the home turned into a house.

Tonight I'm sad. Toren died over two years ago and sometimes, like tonight, I ache to go home to him. I wish he needed me to parent him.


Sophie said...

I'm sorry Anna. I wish you had him to come home to, too.


Anonymous said...

I feel the same way today. I felt like I had no reason to go home. Husband working his night job, no baby.. just me and my thoughts. Me and my thoughts alone = despression.

I miss Riley tonight especially so. I wish you had your Toren too. I'm going to light a candle for both of them.

Wishing you a heart full of peace.

Yaya said...


Catherine W said...

Much love Anna xo

Meg said...

wish he was there for you too. thoughts can be so rough. kinda wish our brains would give us a break sometimes, you know?

debbie said...

Anna, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and wishing that there was something I could do or say.

Reba said...

your post really brought me back. i remember so well that longing feeling of wanting something to come home to. for me it didn't happen so much after i lost the twins. it was more the years before getting pregnant with them, when i so desperately wanted a baby and a family. i would often be the last person to leave my office, and i would think to myself, someday i won't be able to stay late, because i'll have to pick up my child(ren) at daycare. my office won't be able to count on me to finish everything all the time. i hated how reliable i was at work. everyone knew i basically had nothing else. hubby worked (and still works) long hours at his job. the thought of coming home to an empty, dark, cold house was unbearable. i know, i remember, i hated those feelings.