Wishing you courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Monday, April 6, 2009

It's later ;)

Recap of today.

The good
1. Reached March of Dimes fund raising goal - already mentioned, still cool
2. Paid off car - so relieved! You know how there are just some people you don't want to owe money to? Now I free free to sell it whenever I want!
3. Abstract accepted for conference - YAAAAAYYYY!!! Poster and travel plans to make.

The bad
1. The enormous earthquake in Italy is so sad.
2. Work is out of control - then by the time the almost back to back, 5 hours of meetings ended the network failed so I couldn't do much in the way of work.
3. So much on my mind, sleep has been hard to catch.

The rant
So my mommy mobile ex-ish friend is moving and wanted to get together before she left. Ok, fine (actually my therapist (#3) "made" me do it because she didn't want bad feelings hanging between R and I after she moved). The last time I saw her was the day before all of the hospital business. Then the whole husband "I don't love you like that anymore" incident. A lot has changed with me and none of it is appropriate to share during catching up with a not-close friend.

Our meeting yesterday was fine. I cried in the bathroom once. I think the main point of the meeting was so that R could speak her mind, so I listened and by this afternoon didn't feel so sad over being so unheard. I did say the things therapist #3 recommended.

Oh! I did hear tips about how people find love just as soon as they stop looking for it. I'll keep it in mind, but so far I'm still too busy losing love to go looking for it again.

The really bad thing was that I didn't realize how upset I was about the encounter until I was driving home and did some very bad driving moves because I didn't care about safety, so now I have a new safety contract with a friend that I will call her if I'm too upset to drive. Never imagined my life would include things like safety contracts. Most of the time I feel stable nowdays but huge waves of depression are still overwhelming sometimes.

Anyway, you know how most of the time if you have a bad time with someone, they had a bad time with you too? Today I felt bad for not opening up more and potentially complicating closure for her then I get a text from her which, after thanking me for meeting with her, went like this: "I have missed our chats, however heartbreaking they can be. To me that is a sign that we have a strong foundation for our friendship to grow on!"

wait . a . minute...

I wanted closure

She is moving to the opposite coast

What on earth is the correct response?

The options
1. Say I had a nice time too and plan to meet her again before she leaves - this option has the greatest potential to NOT create problems again.
2. Say I had a nice time but I'm too busy to see her again and wish her well - pretty good
3. Say something resembling the current truth that I am going through too much to see her again or carry on a long distance friendship - will likely not assist with closure

I have no idea why she wants to build a friendship with me! Pity? I'm not fun to be around! It's not an accident why I only see 5 people.

Any ideas on what to say?

Your prize for reading through all that shit - the first clematis bloom of the season!


Sara said...

#2 sounds both close to the truth and best for you, but go with your gut.

Your clematis is beautiful!!

Wabi said...

Hellooo, gorgeous! Yes, I am batting my eyes and waving at your flower. Right now. Really.

As for the friend ... gads. Not much emotional intelligence there, eh? Shallow like a kiddie pool. So what about option #4: Lie. Say you will see her again and that you also had a nice time. And then just drift away.

But I note that none of your stated options actually involves lying to her, not even to save face (hers or yours). I can only assume that this was done on purpose, yes?

Meg said...

AnnaMarie, I think you need to do what you need to do for YOU. Don't worry about her closure. If you were so upset that you could have killed yourself in an auto accident, then I'd say she's no good for you. Just tell her #3 and move on. No love lost. She's too incompetent to be your friend. It's best for everyone.

That's just my .02. If you decide to see her again, you have my support as well. I'm here for whatever you decide. :)

debbie said...

I think I'd just say, "Me too, hoping the move goes well for you!" That way you're out of the situation w/o creating any more loose ends, and the reality is that you're not likely to see her any time soon, so you're really off the hook. I guess what I'm trying to say is it could work well for you to get out w/o any new wrinkles (i.e., her responding to you saying you don't want to see her again) and time and space will help drift her out of your life. win-win. :)
just my two cents.

rella12 said...

I'm just coming into this blind- I haven't visited in months, but still- #3 works on many levels, including honoring where YOU are. the other options don't bring closure, they just delay decision-making. Say she moves and starts calling with a time change etc...do you WANT to be her friend? If not, #3 is the way to go. Honest, direct, to-hell-with-it.

Ter said...

it's beautiful! I planted one late last season, I really hope it grows and blooms this year!