Co-worker, "CW", who I'm covering for, AGAIN, when she has her second son next month, is thrilled today because she just got a much coveted day care spot for the wee one, beginning in December. The baby will be too young to go in December but this means that she can return to work whenever she wants to. It turns out that she was crying last night at the thought of having to stay home alone with the baby because "they don't do anything".
I teased her by saying "Poor, poor, CW, having to stay home with the baby."
Of course it's annoying to hear someone talk about not wanting to be around their kids too much, and it's especially rude of her to say such inane things to me when she knows that my son died, but that is not upsetting me - it feels more like a fact of life to be dealt with. I'm annoyed because no one wants to hear my plan for maternity leave, even though it makes sense that no one is concerned since I'm not pregnant. But I will probably try to get pregnant within the next year and MAYBE I'll even get a baby that lives at the end of it and I will get maternity leave. Although, next time that I get a dead baby I'm taking "maternity" leave / mourning leave / regular leave instead of doing it like last time where I returned to work as soon as my swollen, lactating breasts could be squeezed back into work clothes. I tell you, everyone wants to see you get right back to normal after a pregnancy loss and they are so reassured when you go back to work. Like getting out of bed to shower and change into clean pj's before getting right back into bed isn't enough.
Even though my experience with live babies is incredibly limited, here is my plan for if I ever get a living baby:
1. Take a full six weeks off of work and spend that time holding the baby. Of course I'll have to put it down some times or let someone else have a turn but basically all I want to do is hold the baby for 6 weeks.
2. Cut my hours a work to a point where I still get benefits and make enough money and return to work 3 days a week and work from home to complete the rest of my hours. When I'm not working I'll be holding the baby.
3. Do step 2 for two to three years then consider preschool.
In reality there are probably many flaws to this plan and I will deal with those as they come along. But from my perspective of having such empty, aching arms for 3 years now and understanding how devastating it is when your child is gone, I see nothing that sounds more desirable than hugging and cuddling my child.
Whether or not it is actually something to prepare for right now, do you have an ideal plan for your maternity leave?