Telling someone about Toren has happened twice in the past 6 days, which is very weird because it is not easy to work a deadbaby into a conversation, as you all well know. I didn't ever use his name; most people do not ask about his name.
Today I found out that the person I told last week is pregnant with her second baby. Why do I feel like an idiot for telling her something so personal now that I know that she knew that she was pregnant at the time? I hope it didn't scare her. But also, a moment where I may have "connected" with someone doesn't seem that way at all anymore since she is carrying life while I'm a bearer of death. Opposites. One is clearly inferior.
The plan for today was to happily tell you that the papers for my divorce were filed, but DH (Damn Husband, in this case) flaked out again. This shouldn't have been a surprise or a disappointment, but it was both. I contacted him last week to prod him along and promptly got sick and spent 2.5 days in bed. I often get sick after contacting him. Illness brought on by exposure to Agent Ex. And the funny thing is I was almost at the point where I felt mostly compassion towards him and I was working on kind of the last emotional barrier which was being able to wish a happy life for him. I could feel not-anger towards him, but I still wanted to be happier than he is, but it would be so freeing to wish blessings on him just like he were a normal person, you know? But now I'm just super annoyed and I do not feel fondly towards him AT ALL right now.
And for anyone who is struggling with ewwwy feelings towards their ex don't feel like you have to feel compassion towards the jerk, I got close only by the grace of Cym.ba.lta.