This is purely a rant, hopefully organized thoughts and a plan for that subsequent life will follow soon.
Work is very demanding on a normal day but this week is incredibly stressful. Today and tomorrow accepted applicants are visiting and I need to help convince them that this is the school they want to attend. That means there is no room for feeling sad about my life.
Before I left for work this morning my husband says he has several offers for a place to stay and wants to know when I'll be able to rent out a room because he doesn't want to leave me high and dry. HA! I'm afraid that is unavoidable! So then I cry, privately, for a bit because instead of deciding that he loves me he is actually going to leave.
Once at work I am determined to focus on the task at hand then hear the news that a co-worker had her baby early (baby is fine).
So let's see how the day is shaping up - my life is falling apart more, other people lives are changing in wonderful ways. And the day is not half over.
After I take care of other peoples needs for the next two days (mind you, this is all because I am covering for a coworker on maternity leave), then it's Toren's "Would Have Been One" day and according to the forecast rain may alter my plans to eat a cupcake in the cemetery and release some balloons. But now, instead of having plenty of quiet time this weekend (when I'm not doing left over work), I'll be preparing for a renter.
I was able to get an appointment with my therapist for this afternoon so I will be able to get some of these feeling out and work on some ideas for moving forward from here. This whole situation just sucks!
On another note, I have a problem with the idea of "being strong". I interpret that as tending to the needs of others, your job, and your responsibilities while keeping a placid appearance. I guess it would be impossible to do all of those things while expressing a breakdown though. Why isn't it called "living a lie", or "locking away your emotions", or "pretending to be someone else"? I hate it when people say how strong I am when all I'm doing is displaying a terrific facade. Not to discount the effort that putting on such a show takes, and I am proud that I can look like all is well when I need to, it just doesn't sound like the compliment it is supposed to be.
My interpretation is probably off (same as with "forgiveness"), what does "being strong" mean to you?