It's hard to lose your spouse and best friend at the same time.
I've not thought about it too much today though. More hours have been spent thinking about the men I am virtually meeting through a dating site some friends signed me up for (I've even been asked out on a date already! but I told him I'll go only if we get to know each other better on-line first). But the prospect of dating is very painful too. It's an active step in moving away from the life I wanted.
I don't like being so alone but it's hard to imagine myself meeting new people or being intimate with someone new. It's hard to be someone more than a deadbaby mama and a woman totally dumped by her husband, after all, if the person who knew me best left with hardly a word how good of a person am I? My last couple of intimate times were disastrous so there's zero confidence there. And I look like I've been through hell.
Anyway, inspired by Grace's positive attitude:
Today I am doing better because instead of dwelling on the past I thought about what I want in the future.
I guess I just wanted to say brace yourself for frequent freak outs and bring on your best dating advice!!!
For you musical theater fans, here's a theme song as this deadbaby mama starts to tiptoe back into public ;)