Expressing anger comes up in therapy a lot. My therapists encourage me to get mad and say what's on my mind instead of suppressing all sorts of negativity.
I was working from home when my ex dropped by unannounced in the middle of the day. After all of the discussion in therapy about standing up for myself and expressing when I'm angry with him all I can manage to do is mumble a few random sentences before starting to cry.
And then smoke half a cigarette (first one in months). And then hide under the covers in bed for two hours wishing that the mattress would just absorb me into it, wishing for my heart to simply stop.
How is it that even when I'm at my least eloquent here in this blog, I can manage a "fuck you" but when it comes to speaking with a person I've known for half of my life, when it comes to speaking my truth, I become speechless?
What if I never become able to handle my life again?
It hasn't been a good week, and that is coming from someone who doesn't have high expectations.
Sorry I haven't been commenting as much as normal; I'm reading all of your posts but just am feeling quiet. I love all of the cards I received! Thank you, thank you, thank you!