And I look cute today... at least cute for my new old, bitter, and broken self. I have aged so much in the past year and a half. I feel too old to be successful at starting my life over.
I'd like to go hit the punching bag but my nose is running too much (stupid cold). I'd spend too much time wiggling in and out of the gloves, alternating throwing punches and blowing my nose.
Earlier this week I agreed to pick my ex up from the airport with just hours notice (even though I requested a days notice). I didn't have much to say and couldn't speak very loud anyway with my sore throat. He didn't have much to say either. He made himself right at home in my little car by using the cigarette lighter to charge his phone, then he kept busy by texting and talking on the phone. And I remembered how much I've always hated that! I'd forgotten that it was usual for him to text other people while with me. Like I was invisible.
Since he has been in the house again I can't sleep. For the past week or so I haven't been taking traz0d0ne (since I suspect it makes me too groggy in the mornings) and I've been SLEEPING! Sleeping without listening to meditations on my iPod all night even! But for the last two nights I've needed the iPod on, and sleep has been very restless.
I feel sad, but something is different. I'm almost feeling stronger. It's like I'm one breath away from ... a new way of thinking ... a mental shift ... a scrap of positive self esteem perhaps ...
That's all. I just wanted to let you know why a date report was not going to be given.